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Post by .:-Aikoa-:. on Mar 28, 2009 15:04:41 GMT -5
The day had begun in earnest, but now, a little after Sunhigh, Ashfire was reclining off to one side with little to do. Her mind was wandering, as usual, to that place near the Twoleg nests where she had met a strange and deadly ginger tom called Gaara, who had murdered her good friend Runningsoul. But strangely enough her thoughts were not dipped in poison and seeking vengence; Ashfire felt a horrible loneliness deep within her heart. Her brothers were gone, her best friends, and now the one cat she could speak with and be with had turned out to kill her Clanmate. He had fled with such a strange look on her face. Ashfire's sorrowful thoughts told her it would be best never to see him again, but she longed to. She had no one else. Perhaps I should leave ThunderClan...? But no! I am loyal to my Clan if nothing else. I have nothing else. Perhaps TrueClan, but that life truly isn't for me. Ashfire thought glumly. She loved ThunderClan, but there was nothing but pain in the familiar corners, nothing but memories haunting the forest's tall trees. She sighed and adjusted her position. She felt so alone. Even surrounded by Clanmates and friends, Ashfire felt alone.
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Post by Brambleclaw on Mar 28, 2009 15:37:14 GMT -5
Firestar could scarcely begin to think straight. He'd been walking for what seemed like forever, and he still didn't know why he couldn't think. Spottedleaf had stolen his heart, and that was wrong. He loved her with all of his heart too, and that was worse. The worst was that he could never be with her. And now, without warning, Sandstorm has his kits. He didn't even see how it was possible!
"It wasn't and isn't." The tom thought sourly. He wanted so badly to be with Spottedleaf, he really didn't care for Sandstorm, and now he had a lot to deal with. Being leader was a lot tougher than he had realized. He kept thinking about Spottedleaf, trying to find a way to hate her. A way to love Sandstorm, too, and a reason. A way to make sense of life. A way to make anything of anything, For all he knew, birds were made of sand and real food was served in a kittypet dish. I am not a kittypet! He told himself, alarmed he could even think it. Then there was the fact that he had a point. He wasn't a kittypet anymore, but he found that life much easier. Shaking his head, he realized he had wandered back into the camp.
"Hey, Ashfire." He called out absently, sitting down and staring off into nothingness.
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Post by .:-Aikoa-:. on Mar 28, 2009 15:48:18 GMT -5
Ashfire turned and fixed her pale amber eyes on her leader. He looked sullen, thoughtful, and she thought as miserable as she was. Perhaps he was sad about Runningsoul's death... but she highly doubted it. Runningsoul had never been much of a friend to the leader. Ashfire couldn't imagine what else could be troubling him. She thought it might be rude to ask, but she felt she must help him somehow - despite the absence of help on her part. She smiled and dipped her head respectfully.
"Greetings, Firestar. Has your day gone well so far? The weather is very fine today." She said with a smile. Her beautiful grey face was clean now - a result of having nothing to do. She'd gone on the Dawn Patrol and had hunted, and no one had any duties for her to fulfill. Well, she thought, setting her jaw, Then I will have to make cheering my leader up my top mission at the moment. She nodded her head determinedly.
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Post by Brambleclaw on Mar 28, 2009 16:04:40 GMT -5
"Really? I hadn't noticed." The tom sighed, flicking his tail through some well-packed snow. "My day is my day." He said plainly, as that was about the easiest way to summarize. It was in fact his day, and probably no one else's.
"Have you ever loved?" The fiery tom asked, the question the only sign of emotional life within him.
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Post by .:-Aikoa-:. on Mar 28, 2009 16:10:43 GMT -5
Ashfire was startled by the question. He seemed out of sorts, and this random... perhaps it wasn't random. Maybe he is having trouble with love. That's probably it! Oh, the poor cat... although, he is my leader. She thought. She smiled, hoping she hadn't stalled too long.
"Of course. I loved both my brothers very, very much." That's probably not what he means. A voice told her. Ashfire sighed inwardly. But I don't know if I truly loved Gaara or not. It seemed like it at the time, but I just don't know. I probably will... will never see him again... The thought brought despair upon her and threatened to drown her, but she remained smiling and outwardly cheerful for her leader's benefit.
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Post by Brambleclaw on Mar 28, 2009 16:56:45 GMT -5
"Yeah." Firestar meowed absently, resting his chin on his paws. Not what he had meant. He continued to wonder about his mate and his love. Ashfire seemed down, so he tried to distract himself.
"You okay?"
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Post by .:-Aikoa-:. on Mar 28, 2009 17:03:34 GMT -5
Ashfire started at the question, her expression melting into one of pain and despair for just a moment, but it was gone very fast - replaced by a somewhat happy smile.
"Oh, yes, of course, leader." She stared at him for a moment and then looked at her paws, "You didn't really mean that kind of love, did you." She didn't state it as much of a question, more of a comment really.
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Post by Brambleclaw on Mar 28, 2009 17:47:58 GMT -5
"Firestar." He hated being reminded that he was leader. He shouldn't be here. Bluestar should be leading. She shouldn't be dead. But he did wonder how she came to be... He shook the thought away.
"No."
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Post by .:-Aikoa-:. on Mar 28, 2009 17:52:00 GMT -5
Ashfire smiled crookedly.
"Well, even if I have I don't expect it lasted long, obviously." She turned and looked at him calmly. She wondered what went on inside his head.
"If I may, why do you ask?" She tilted her head to one side and gazed at him serenely.
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Post by Brambleclaw on Mar 28, 2009 17:55:11 GMT -5
"I love a cat who..." He tried to word is properly. "Isn't for me. And I'm not sure if I love another cat, who does in fact love me... It's all confusing." He said with a soft sigh that drifted away on the cool, light breeze.
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Post by .:-Aikoa-:. on Mar 28, 2009 18:05:17 GMT -5
Ashfire made a soft noise and nodded understandingly.
"Yes. It is hard when you love someone you cannot have... or someone loves you and you do not love them. But in those circumstances perhaps it is best to ask yourself a question." She meowed solemnly, staring down at her paws. The expression on her face was somewhat thoughtful.
"Would you give up your heart for someone who may take away all you have, or would you give your heart to someone you do not love, nor ever will, if your mindset is correct." She meowed, and then she nodded, as if reaffirming her thoughts.
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Post by Brambleclaw on Mar 29, 2009 12:19:41 GMT -5
"You're right!" Firestar exclaimed, smiling. He looked at Ashfire, and suddenly felt strange. He no longer felt like the world was trying to destroy him. He did not feel like the leader of a mighty Clan. He felt like a carefree kitten. He felt happy for the first time in quite a while. He felt happy like when he looked at Spottedleaf, and his kits, and watched his Clan grow. He felt just that happy. He wondered what Ashfire could've done to make him feel that way. He shrugged off the thought of love almost instantly. He loved Spottedleaf. Not any other. He stood, stretching and feeling much better. He strode off proudly, looking for Spottedleaf.
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Post by .:-Aikoa-:. on Mar 29, 2009 15:38:44 GMT -5
Ashfire felt happy, in a very miniscule way, at cheering her leader up somewhat. She sat with her dark tail curled around her forepaws, its white tip twitching back and forth as her mind wandered. Her thoughts were twisted up in ginger fur and both teal and amber eyes. But she knew that her leader loved Sandstorm - or perhaps not. She knew that the she-cat had borne his kits, and for some reason the thought stung her a little. But she also knew that she could not have the other, with his handsome face that could so easily be replaced by a madcat's grimace, his eyes tinted with red and saliva dripping from his mouth. She sighed. I am in the same position as Firestar, it would seem. I have to decide between my Clan and my heart, but I'm so confuzed I don't know which is which anymore. She sighed, staring off into nothingness. She shook her head. "I do not love him. How can I? But I am so alone, it is hard to think of little else..." She muttered beneath her breath, staring resentfully into some other place, into some other time. .*.:.*. Spottedleaf sat just outside her den, basking in the warm glow of the sun. She smiled to herself and blinked open her lovely eyes, but then she saw a spotted and striped shape slipping through the entrance to the den. She watched Tangleroot with interest, wondering at how weary he looked. His tail dragged behind him in the dust and his whiskers were drooping. She wondered what in the name of StarClan he had been doing. Oh well. I suppose if he were ill he would have spoken to me. She thought. Besides, she saw nothing outwardly wrong besides obvious depression. Spottedleaf sighed, feeling somewhat useless. She had been torn at the dissapearance of her apprentice, Crookpaw, but apparently he had gone to WindClan to become their Medicine cat, since they were in dire need of one. Still, the thought he had not even said goodbye stung worse than a wound, and Spottedleaf was somewhat miserable for it. Still, she tried to remain cheerful for the Clan's sake. She had to look forward to something, even if... She closed her eyes tightly and bit her lip, trying to summon a bit of strength from within her aching chest. She blinked open her eyes and noticed Firestar walking through the camp with a smile on his face. She managed to smile weakly. It is nice to see that he is well. She thought. But then the memory of her vision from StarClan crept upon her, and she shuddered. I do wish that Crookpaw hadn't left. She thought with a sigh. What would happen to ThunderClan when she was gone? |
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Post by Brambleclaw on Mar 31, 2009 19:33:44 GMT -5
Foxpaw bounded eagerly over to her mentor, a broad smile on her face.
"Spottedleaf, I do think we are in need of some of these..." She pushed a leaf bundle over to her mentor. It had three poppy seeds left, and Foxpaw new exactly what Poppy Seeds were used for, where to find them, and anything else she might need. She turned to see the ThunderClan leader, a fiery tom named Firestar, approaching. The look in his eyes told Foxpaw she had no means of interrupting. She smiled mischievously.
"I know where they are." She said, darting away before any cat could protest.
Firestar watched Spottedleaf's eager apprentice bound away mysteriously. He wondered if she knew what was going on. Had Spottedleaf said anything?
"Spottedleaf, can I talk to you in... private?" The tom asked with a smile that meant urgency.
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Post by .:-Aikoa-:. on Mar 31, 2009 21:02:11 GMT -5
Spottedleaf was about to ask her apprentice some questions - just to test her knowledge - when the young she-cat bounded away saying she knew where to find poppyseeds. Spottedleaf sat staring after her apprentice, but when she noticed a flicker of ginger fur she turned and noticed Firestar coming towards her. She felt her heart start beating harder, but she repressed her feelings and smiled. She was going to greet him but he asked her his question before she could say anything. She smiled and gave a slight nod.
"Of course. You lead wherever you wish to talk." She meowed with a delicate smile.
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Post by Brambleclaw on Mar 31, 2009 21:18:27 GMT -5
Firestar slipped into her den, and once the two were settled began to talk.
"I was thinking... I didn't know what to do. I don't love Sandstorm. And it is impossible those kits are mine!" He sighed, flicking his tail nervously.
"I love... you, Spottedleaf. With all my heart I love you." Firestar looked up, his green eyes twinkling with the truth he felt. He loved Spottedleaf more than the world. That was certain. A ginger she-cat who had come to ask Spottedleaf of something heard the whole ordeal. Angry and horrified, she turned and padded silently back to the Nursery. She would talk with Firestar later. Sandstorm was certain.
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Post by .:-Aikoa-:. on Mar 31, 2009 21:22:45 GMT -5
Spottedleaf closed her eyes. That vision flashed before her eyes again and she shook her head. She couldn't break his heart like that. Spottedleaf loved Firestar too deeply to hurt him, and she refused to say what she longed to.
"Firestar... this is wrong. No matter what either of us may feel, I am a Medicine cat. I cannot change that, you cannot change that. No matter what, my duty is to my Clan and StarClan. I am sorry." She meowed, her eyes on her paws. She couldn't lift her gaze to meet his for long.
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Post by Brambleclaw on Mar 31, 2009 21:46:42 GMT -5
[[She should at least tell him about Leaf!]]
Firestar was horrified. Now he was just making a fool of himself. He bit his tongue, trying not to protest.
"I know." He admitted, standing to leave. How could she not see he loved her? He hoped that he could grow attached to Sandstorm, or die trying. Because Spottedleaf had to mean nothing to him. He still couldn't believe her.
"Are you saying, you love me and can't be with me, or you hate me?" He had to know the truth.
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Post by .:-Aikoa-:. on Mar 31, 2009 21:50:55 GMT -5
OOC: Alrighty.
BIC: Spottedleaf closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
"Firestar..." She sighed, feeling her heart begin to ache.
"Oh, Firestar, I love you more than I ever imagined I could. But it's wrong... Firestar... w-we... we have a daughter, Firestar. Leafkit isn't Sandstorm's... she's mine." Spottedleaf could hardly breathe. She had wanted to keep that secret, but she couldn't hold it any longer. She had to tell Firestar. She had to let him know that she loved him, no matter what her duty bade from her. She shook her head. Was she betraying him? She was only making the future pain even the more horrible. But I suppose he will move on. And he has Leafkit to help him remember me. She thought, though that thought did little to stiffle the sadness.
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Post by Brambleclaw on Apr 1, 2009 21:50:03 GMT -5
Firestar felt his heart speed up again. He smiled, feeling his sadness disappear. She did love him, and Spottedleaf knew it was wrong. He could live with that. And he had a daughter. Well, he already had a son and a daughter, but he had a daughter with the one he actually loved! It was a miracle he would never have thought. He nodded, sighing.
"It is wrong. I will always love you. And Leafkit." He added, turning and padding away.
Firestar looked very happy, and he knew at once he had to visit all of his kits. It had been several days since he had visited them, and he figured they were missing him. As he slipped into the Nursery, however, Sandstorm was cold to him. He looked at his kits and instantly felt uncomfortable. Firestar left his mate be, wondering why she refused to speak and looked so upset. Certainly he had not done any wrong, right?
Right?
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